Caught in a one-way street…

I didn’t make a single post in the month of May and we’re already approaching the end of June.

Generally in the long stretches between posts, I start, revisit, abandon, and/or delete half a dozen drafts trying to come up with something to write that doesn’t make me want to bang my head against the wall.

This time around…

I don’t think I even really opened WordPress.

I’ve barely been writing anything.

I started this post over a week ago and this is as far as I’ve gotten.

I’m stuck in this weird paralysis with writing as of late. I can’t quite pinpoint what’s causing it, other than a complete lack of inspiration. (Okay, that and the horrifying state of the world. URGH.) I spend a large portion of every day staring at a blinking cursor in Word, but very few words end up on the page. And what I have written is just garbage. FNEH.

 

Listing…

1.) My nose surgery is scheduled for July 10th. I don’t have a time yet, as they don’t give you that information until a couple days before. I have a pre-op appointment on the 3rd and a post-op on the 14th. The anxiety is already high and it will spike exponentially when the time arrives, but it’s scheduled. And I only had one bad panic attack in the process. There’s a part of me that worries that I’m going to go through this and it’s not going to solve anything—as is my track record with just about ANYTHING health related—but I’m trying to remain realistically optimistic that I’ll be able to breathe properly through my nose when all is said and done.

2.) The new Stormblood expansion for Final Fantasy XIV is out. Bob is on vacation this week to play. This is what we do for vacation. We stay home and play video games. We don’t need fancy (stressful, exhausting, expensive) trips. Avoiding people from the comfort of our home for an entire week is our ideal getaway. (Though FFXIV is an MMO so there is actually interaction with real people while playing. They’re just on the other side of the computer screen.) More than anything, I just love having Bob all to myself for a week.

3.) Andy Grammer put out a new song. Ryan Star put out a new song. These things make me happy.

4.) Savage Garden’s I Want You video recently popped up on Youtube recommendations and then I followed the trail and ended up on their Affirmation video and was pummeled by a nostalgia freight train. That was the first concert I saw as an adult and it pretty well cemented my deep-rooted love for live music.

5.) This is a picture of an itty-bitty-teeny-tiny frog. We went to the in-laws for father’s day and there were literally dozens of these tiny little frogs hopping around the yard. So, so TINY. This little guy could sit on my thumbnail with room to spare. He was so tiny he kept stumbling on the rough surface of the patio as he hopped around. I wanted to keep them all.

(Spell check wants to change itty to titty and that amuses me because I am twelve.)

Setting it off again…

Oh hey.

It’s Sunday night insomnia.

How’s business?

 

I had my annual physical and walked out with orders for blood work, a mammogram, a CT scan of my sinuses, and a referral to an ENT doctor.

Blood work showed I have really low iron and need supplements, but this may be a factor in the monthly headaches that render me utterly useless for three days. Though I won’t know for a few more weeks if the added iron will have any effect. Here’s hoping.

I’m not concerned about the mammogram, as it’s now just a part of the annual fun because family history dictates the smashing of boobs under age 40. It hurts like a sonofabitch, but the whole appointment takes ten minutes and somehow having a strange woman handling my naked boobs is pretty low on the stress and anxiety scale for me. Go figure.

The CT scan and ENT doctor told me that my sinuses and ears are 100% normal, but I have a deviated septum. This is (most likely) the cause of my decades long struggle with sinus problems. Now I get to decide if and when I want to have surgery to correct the problem and have the possibility of being able to breathe properly through my nose for the first time…ever? I’ve decided the if—yes I will—but I need to figure out the when. Which means scheduling the surgery. Which means anxiety. Because surgery. And phone calls. And ME.

The ENT doctor told me most people don’t even know how they ended up with a deviated septum—some are born with it, some are the result of injury. I told him my theory and he told me I was probably right. Pretty much every single year in gym class I took a basketball to the face (and usually a volleyball too) because I went to school with a whole herd of assholes. I really don’t miss those people.

During the ENT appointment, for the hell of it I brought up the gaddamn Phantom Smoke Stench. I really didn’t expect an answer, but he actually called it by name—Phantosmia—and told me that since I had the MRI and EEGs that reported my brain is 100% normal, it’s a sensory issue that there is no fix for. Most people only experience it for a short amount of time—not years like I’ve been dealing with—usually after illness or injury. Maybe someday I won’t smell it anymore. But I won’t hold my breath. (Because I’ll be able to breathe properly through my nose! I hope. I really hope.)

Life. Cripes.

 

My nose angles to the right and my nostrils are very lopsided and there are EIGHT light bulbs in my bathroom and that is highly unnecessary.

Between the lines…

I keep opening up WordPress and staring at my dashboard thinking I need to write something, but mostly I just hear a lot of screaming inside my head. This is because I usually just read the latest headline regarding a certain deranged, blaze orange, narcissistic game show host who’s about to be given free reign over nuclear weapons and all his willfully ignorant and deranged cult followers.

But I don’t want to talk about that.

Instead, listing…

1.) I’ve been listening to the same music on repeat. This isn’t exactly a new thing, but my sanity is at critical mass regarding the aforementioned Shit I Don’t Want To Talk About and I need to maintain some semblance of calm in my bad addled brain. Nothing achieves that quite like listening to music I love ad nauseam. Right now we’ve got O.A.R., Andy Grammer, Eric Hutchinson, and Ingram Hill in heavy rotation. They are good for the soul.

2.) The Christmas tree still stands in the living room, in part because I am a procrastinator, and in part because I don’t want to put away the lights. I want to keep the lights up year round. I don’t need the tree or the ornaments, just the lights. I wonder if I could convince Robert to let me hang some in the loft…

3.) Basil seems to have expended all of his Tyler pipe dreams. Which is a bit of a blessing and relief, but he’s also being obnoxiously quiet on ideas in general. Because of course he is. There is no in between with him. Because he’s an asshole. But we’ve been over this.

4.) I’ve come to the conclusion that there is really only one story in the active list that is truly viable in its current state. As in, it has a definitive start and end point, and a clear plot in the middle. I’ve been beating my head against the wall over it for over a decade at this point (or half a decade as it currently exists) but it’s the one I should really be focusing on. Perhaps I should be listening to the Ben & Marina soundtrack on repeat for inspiration.

5.) I have a long list of house projects I need to get done but my focus is shot. (No–no, more than usual.) They are mostly small things that would take little time to complete, and having it done would make a lot of other things so much easier, but…ech… (see list item number one)

6.) Costco stopped selling Sobe vitamin water so we switched to the Vitamin Water brand. It’s taken some adjustment because we are creatures of habit and resistant to change. Something so insignificant shouldn’t cause such a disturbance, but we’re great like that. The orange flavor tastes like watered down Tang. Watered down Tang reminds me of the Farm. That was always pretty much the only available beverage for YEARS because well water wasn’t suitable for drinking. Christmas this year had me feeling a little wistful about the Farm. The family is gearing up to sell it now that both my grandparents are gone and it feels really weird to know that I’m probably never going to see the place again. I didn’t spend nearly as much time there as a lot of my cousins (or even my siblings) but it’s always been THERE and it won’t be long before it’s gone. (Or under new ownership, that is.)

7.) Life. It’s weirdly exhausting.

Damn these days…

Insomnia and anxiety are great, I don’t know what you’re talking about.

There are so many things I could be writing about, but they’re not getting written because I just don’t have the mental fortitude for it. I write plenty of posts dumping out raw emotions that never get published. They just sit in the drafts folder never to see the light of day. It feels better to purge my brain, and everything I write here, I write for me, but some things just don’t necessarily warrant public perusal. I haven’t kept a private journal in years—I’ve started many, but never maintained—I guess posts that sit unpublished serve that purpose these days. It works, I suppose.

Anyhoo.

Instead I’ve been writing.

… I’ve spilled several thousand words on a dumb fanfiction venture because sometimes you just need to give your brain a little reprieve and focus on something silly. It’s ridiculous and stupid and it entertains me endlessly.

… I’ve been plotting a way to combine two existing storylines into one. Separately they fall a little flat, but together they actually have some substance. But they’ve been tackled from so many angles over the years, I need to make sure I have my characters in order before I start pounding out words, or it will implode before I even really get started.

… It amuses me how inspiration can strike from even the most minuscule details. I read something that someone else wrote, and one, tiny little comment stuck in my brain that rapidly morphed and mutated into an entire storyline (or several, if I’m being honest). And while I thought it was just my warped imagination running rampant with exaggeration, months down the line, I’ve apparently hit the nail right on the head. Some people are just easy to figure out, I guess.

… I’ve been mulling over a number of ideas sitting in the active writing folder, seeking inspiration, wondering what I could do to make them work better. There’s one in particular that I really want to be working on. I have some stuff written for it (actual narrative!) that I really like, but the over-arcing plotline is just so boring that it’s really difficult to know what to do with it. I’m a total sucker for the everyday mundane, but this stuff is a total snooze-fest even for me.

… When I’m fumbling around trying to put together character lists or timelines, I retreat to my home architect program and start designing houses for these as yet unwritten stories. Or redesign existing floorplans to better fit the tales they’re intended for. I spend hours working on plans and perusing house plan websites for inspiration. It just adds to the excess of information I have rolling around in my head on any given story project that really has no relevance to the actual story, but it’s there if the need ever arises. And it’s much easier to describe surroundings if I have a visual reference to study.

… Writing. The bane of my existence and the love of my life. Both at the same time.

 

She’s such a piece of work—her husband too. She is totally one of those people that will carry on endlessly about how much she absolutely loves both of her children and she couldn’t possibly choose a favorite, but it’s blatantly obvious that she does favor one over the other to an extreme degree. In her case, she fawns all over her younger son, and her first born barely gets any attention by comparison. They’re always so irrationally harsh with him and I’ve never seen him do a damn thing wrong. I just don’t get it. He’s smart, he’s sweet, he works hard. He’s an amazing kid and his parents don’t see it at all. They’ll totally take credit for it if someone else points it out, but they don’t actually acknowledge that with him.

Really, at fifteen, he’s leagues smarter than his parents and they’re threatened by that. The only way they know how to cope with it is by trying to make him feel bad about himself, which is the one thing they’re actually good at. Every time they put him down I just want to throttle them. I don’t know how anyone can treat their own child like that.

I just want to hug the shit out of him and tell him he’s worth so much more and deserves so much better.

But who am I?

Just some virtual stranger with no clout to help him.

 

Emotionally overrun…

I try to keep up with current events in the news so I have at least some idea of what’s going on in the world, but it can really take a harsh toll on my mental health. Especially as of late with the rapidly approaching election and the terrifying prospect of a horrific, degenerate psychopath becoming our next president.

Instead…

Things that are good…

1.) We ordered new blinds for all of our windows. (All four of them.) The ones that came with the house were poorly installed and ill-maintained and the one in the living room doesn’t even cover the whole (seven-foot-tall) window. There’s also been nothing on the transom over the front door. Both cause a lot of annoyance sitting in the living room with blinding sunlight in the afternoon/evening. We haven’t installed them yet, but we have given ourselves the deadline of November 29th when Final Fantasy XV [finally] comes out and we’ll be spending a lot more time downstairs. I’m excited to have nice, clean, new blinds on all of our windows.

2.) Related, Final Fantasy XV is finally coming out at the end of November. They’ve been stringing fans along for over a decade at this point. Bob is such a huge FF fan and his excitement over the game is so gaddamn adorable I just want to squeeze him. So I do.

3.) This weekend is Bob’s birthday and I’ve made him a ridiculous cake experiment of cheesecake and lemon bars and I have no idea what it’s going to be like when I cut into it, but we’ll see how it turns out. It certainly won’t taste bad. I rarely bake anything these days unless an occasion calls for it, so why not go all out for my husband’s birthday?

4.) We’ve finally had a good run of hoodie weather and it has been a much needed relief for my bad-addled brain. We had to break down and turn the heat on this weekend, but I’ll take layers of blankets over hotter-than-hades any day.

5.) We saw Andy Grammer and Gavin DeGraw play at Mystic Lake. I have many things to say about it (we’ll see if it ever gets written) but in a nutshell…HOT DAMN they are both so fucking good at what they do. I’ve been waiting four years for AG to play a local show at a decent venue and he was SO worth the wait. And while Gavin DeGraw has been on my musical radar for more than a decade, I’d never given much thought to seeing him live, but damn. He’s good.

Gator came with as my Xanax for the night. He hasn’t been to a show since Red Rocks so it was fitting. And deliberate. Gator loves him some AG.


(Back Home [live] by Andy Grammer)


(Something Worth Saving [live] by Gavin DeGraw)

Things unseen…

Life…

Here’s the thing about life:

It happens.

Sometimes a whole lot of it happens all at once and leaves your mind spinning.

When life happens, I feel compelled to write about it. I’m a writer and writing about life comes with the territory. It helps me work through the convoluted mess that is my brain. It helps me remember when things happened. But the problem I often run into is that there are certain things that I want to do justice when I write about them. I want to be coherent and detailed. So I start planning and plotting, and that leads to over-thinking, and then I get overwhelmed, and then suddenly it’s months later, and WTAF how is it the end of April already?

So.

Life.

In abbreviated bullet form. Because if I try anything else, it’s not going to get done. And I need to get this done for my own sanity.

1.) Bob got a new job. He wasn’t looking for one, but an opportunity presented itself and he decided to pursue it. He’d reached a dead end for growth at his previous job and this new one has plenty of growth potential. It’s a similar position with a somewhat similar company, but a very different environment, and so far a much better fit for what he wants out of his place of work. There are a multitude of pros and cons, but the pros outweigh the cons, and even after the first week he was noticeably less stressed and run down. It’s been a full month now and so far, so good.

2.) My grandma died. She was 99—six months shy of her 100th birthday. She had seven kids, eighteen grandchildren, twelve great-grandchildren, and one great-great grandchild. She’d been on the decline for a few months and her mind was mostly gone. My mom called me on a Sunday afternoon to tell me it was coming and by Tuesday she was gone. The funeral was on a Saturday and we had beautiful, sunny, warm weather (In February! In Minnesota!) for being outside at a cemetery. The fresh air and sunshine were a great relief after a full Catholic service OY. Now Bob and I no longer have any surviving grandparents. And that really sucks.

3.) When I went for my annual physical, we discussed my allergy issue with raw produce and my chronic sinus inflammation. I got a referral to an allergy doctor and tested positive for eighteen out of thirty-nine common allergens. I am allergic to cats (no surprise, cat exposure = week-long recovery), dogs (!? that’s news to me), dust (and we have the dustiest house ever), and all things nature (ragweed, grass, trees, oh my!). I got validation on an Oral Allergy Syndrome diagnosis (it has NOTHING to do with eating organic) and was told DO NOT eat raw fruits and vegetables. I also tested positive for nut allergies and that’s an automatic EPI-PEN. And fun story—insurance does not cover an EPI-PEN, it’s $537, there is no generic, and it expires after a year. While I’ve never had a severe reaction to nuts (just the oral allergy issue), I’m still at risk for a life-threatening reaction. So either I spend a large sum of money on something I’ll likely never use (and throw it out when it expires) or I save the money and risk an unexpected reaction and be completely unprepared for it. (Either way, it’s still a trip to the emergency room.)

4.) I have more appointments that need to be made in the never-ending marathon of figuring-shit-out, and that involves making phone calls, and panic attacks over trivial bullshit like picking up the phone fucking suck. Panic attacks, in general, fucking suck.

5.) There is no shortage of family-related drama because toxic people are incredibly difficult to get rid of.

6.) The A/C in my car is dead and that’s a repair bill I don’t care to see. But warm weather is on the way, and a car with black interior is pretty much a one-way ticket to heat stroke for someone who gets overheated pretty much daily in the shower. God. Dammit. Joel.

7.) Writing is kicking my ass and as I’ve talked about ad nauseam—when the writing isn’t happening, everything else in my bad-addled brain goes to shit.

8.) We spent $537 on the damn EPI-PEN.

Are we faking this…

1.) The thing about getting a tetanus shot every ten years…you have plenty of time to forget how much they suck. Over a week later and I still have a nasty bruise and a welt from the shot. But now I don’t need another one until the year 2026. WHAT.

2.) I went in for my annual physical and came out with three more appointments. We got new insurance as of the first of the year, so I guess we’ll find out how well it works. Or doesn’t.

3.) My maternal grandmother had breast cancer in her young 40’s. By current guidelines, close relatives should start getting screened ten years before that age. Which means I get to have mammograms every year from now on. It’s a bizarre thing to have some strange woman yanking on and smashing your boobs in a big machine, but it takes ten minutes and that’s it. Sure it hurts a bit, but hey, early detection and all that, right? (Scans came back fine.)

4.) Bob’s been playing the new XCOM2. He’s been having so much fun playing it, I just want to squeeze the hell out of him for being so gaddamn nerdy and adorable. So I do. Also, he’s been naming his soldiers after my story characters because our marriage is just that nerdy. Ben and Marina are now slaughtering aliens instead of each other.

5.) I’ve managed to trap myself in a constant BUT WHAT IF loop on my latest writing projects. I’m still plugging away on Parker, Alison, and Tyler, but the rest of the Stephen Tyler monstrosity refuses to shut-up and let me work on just one story at a time. SHUT IT, BASIL.

6.) I’ve been tweaking style sheet settings, adjusting sidebar widgets, and reworking some pages—rewriting the about page, et al—and despite the fact that looking at code now makes me want to drive sporks into my eyes, I feel mildly accomplished. I still need to ask Bob to help me somehow get the now playing field back in my metadata with this theme, but I seem to only think about it when he’s not home or in the middle of the night when he’s sleeping, and then…Etch-a-Sketch memory kicks in and…lather, rinse, repeat.

7.) We put plastic over our bedroom window because the damn thing is 79-inches wide and covers most of the wall and is drafty as all get out. Our bedroom is consistently ten degrees colder than the rest of the house and, while I love penguins and polar bears, having my bedroom cold enough to keep them is not my idea of a good time. The temperature is still colder than the rest of the house, but it has made a significant difference.

8.) Putting plastic over the window left us with the dilemma of whether to keep the blinds open or closed—they’d be inaccessible behind the plastic—so we opted to leave them open and hang curtains to block the nighttime show for the neighbors. They’re nothing fancy, but they do a good job at blocking the light and insulating the window, and we’re hoping to also gain some benefit from them come summer when our bedroom is consistently ten degrees HOTTER than the rest of the house. Western exposure for the win. Or something.

9.) We don’t really do Valentine’s Day, but Sunday morning I woke up to critters staring me down, professing their love. Because we are grown-ass adults with no kids and my affinity for stuffed animals provides us with endless hours of entertainment.

Lost in a tricky maze…

Anxiety is a weird beast.

Strange things spike it at even stranger times and I find myself jittery and nauseous with shooting pains, all over something completely innocuous.

Fun times.

And by fun, I mean EFF YOOO.

Anyway.

Things that are good…

1.) I fixate a little too much on word counts when it comes to writing, but watching the numbers climb makes me feel accomplished. Especially when the writing is slow going. Even when the project I’m working on is, if we’re being realistic, essentially a clone of another story I’ve already spilled thousands of words on. One of these times I’ll get it right. And I’ll celebrate every time another 10K gets added to the pile.

2.) We’re going to see Lazer Team on the 27th. At a movie theater. For a crowdfunded movie without a powerhouse to fund distribution, that’s a pretty sweet deal. I [heart] all things Rooster Teeth. This is known. (We so rarely actually see movies in the theater, but now we’ll be seeing two in as many months. Who even are we?)

3.) Sister Hazel is releasing a new album February 19th. I am stupidly excited. I love this band so much.

4.) Cisco Ramon is probably my favorite character on The Flash and I would like to cuddle the hell out of him. And then I found out Carlos Valdes sings too. His voice hits all the right triggers in my music obsessed heart.

5.) Flash and Arrow come back in a few weeks. And the new Legends of Tomorrow starts then too. Even with all the superhero camp, I haven’t loved a set of TV characters this much in a very long time.

6.) My top 10 most played artists for 2015 were [once again] a bit singularly O.A.R. focused. And then Matt Nathanson put out a new album. And then I went on a Train kick. And as I sit here listening to Billy Joel sing Shameless, I regret nothing about my listening habits. I will listen to the same song on repeat for hours if I have to. And I often do. Music is as essential to my existence as the air I breathe. (Also writing. And Bob.) Judge me all you want.

 

7.) The rest of our furniture was finally delivered. It’s all smooth and new and smells like wood and stain. As it turns out, a narrow room is really awkward to photograph, so everything looks a bit wonky and more cramped than it actually is. Someday we will paint over that red wall that came with the house. Someday. (Now we need a bigger TV. And a smaller subwoofer. Again…someday.)

At the end of the day…

Christmas vacation.

Sixteen days holed up in the bear cave. Late nights, lazy days, avoiding people, and enjoying every minute of it.

1.) We went to see the new Star Wars movie. We caught a $5 matinee at a near-empty theater. This one definitely makes up for that last set of movies. I had zero expectations so I was pleasantly surprised. And I need a BB-8 of my very own please and thank you.

2.) I gave Bob the complete series of Breaking Bad on DVD for Christmas. We’ve been main-lining it all week. We haven’t watched any of it since the show ended two years ago, so it’s interesting to see how much we do and don’t remember. But oh ye gods this show.

3.) The rest of our furniture is finally getting delivered on Saturday. This will be good motivation to take down the Christmas tree in a timely fashion instead of leaving it up until Easter. (Or just Valentine’s Day. Whatever. Just let me play my ADHD card and shush.)

4.) In the never-ending stream of WHAT!IF! when it comes to what I’ve been writing as of late, I currently have four different plotlines all revolving around the same core group of characters. This happens more than I care to admit. When it does, I find myself lumping all the individual stories into one folder under a single code name just to clean up the mess in my writing folder. So now I have a collection of pipe dreams sitting under the header of Stephen Tyler. Because it amuses me. Thoroughly.

I blame Basil.

5.) Bob gave me a Burnie bobblehead for Christmas. I’ve wanted one for a long time and I could never justify buying it for myself. He does things like that. Because I am spoiled.

Leonard Burns Esquire approves.

(The Burnie Statue.)

So stay…it’s okay…

1.) The beginning of this week was sixty degrees. It snowed on Thursday. (Barely a dusting that didn’t last but it still snowed.) Today didn’t even get above freezing. Oh hey, Minnesota. You finally figured out it’s November.

2.) On a recent stop at Chipotle, we saw Chris Colfer’s teenage doppelganger. I noticed him standing in line and had to do a double-take because his profile was so distinctly similar it was bizarre. I wanted to point him out to Bob, but couldn’t figure out a way to be subtle about it. When we got home, one of the first things he said to me was, “Did you see that kid in line that looked just like that kid from Glee?” It’s like he knows me. Not-Chris-Colfer sat awkwardly at a table with two teenage girls (who were not eating anything and just giggling and smiling) and it took all I had to not pat him on the head and pinch his cheeks and tell him how bloody adorable he was when we walked by on the way out.

What.

3.) Do you have any idea how difficult it is to find tennis shoes that aren’t freaking DAY-GLO colors? I just want some decent shoes. I don’t want people to see me from twelve miles off. I needed a new pair of tennis shoes because the ones I have pre-date Bob, and they don’t have a whole lot of cushion left in them. Cold weather is here and I’m gonna have to retire my Chucks for the season. I managed to find a pair that are navy blue and white and have not a single spot of neon anything. Yes, I realize the 80’s were thirty years ago and everything horrible eventually comes back in style, but seriously. Neon? Stop it.

4.) Bob is currently in a FFXIV dungeon with music that reminds me so much of Farscape and now I want to rewatch Farscape again, even though we just rewatched the entire series last year.

5.) Wednesday was November 18th. That marks eight years since my first date with Bob. One year for every hour we spent together sitting in that Caribou on a cold and snow-rainy Sunday afternoon. He is the absolute best.

6.) I made myself a yellow cake with chocolate fudge frosting for my birthday. It came out a little dry. Despite following the recipe, I think it baked too long. But it’s covered in enough frosting to make up for it. Someday I will find a good white/vanilla/yellow cake recipe that turns out right for me. (That doesn’t call for a whole dozen egg whites FFS.)

7.) I am thirty-six years old. What. The hell. (Hunter is going to be 18 in January and he’ll be exactly half my age. Auntie Sara is old.)

8.) Sometimes I find myself sitting on writing ideas for a long time before they really manifest into something worth putting down on a page. Then I spend even longer poking and prodding them, trying to spread them out into a full-fledged story. More often than not, they end up in the scenes without stories pile because that singular idea doesn’t really fill out an entire plotline. If I’m lucky, I find other ideas to combine them with to make something worth while. The gears have been turning on some ideas that have been in the arsenal for quite awhile and I finally started putting words down on the page. I’m not entirely sure where it’s going to take me, but it almost forced me out of bed at some ungodly hour to work on it. I was unbelievably tired, so I did manage to get back to sleep instead, but sometimes giving in to the gremlin poking me in the brain pays off.

9.) It’s taken me about a year and a half to reach this milestone number, but progress is progress is progress. (See: Giving in to the gremlin.)

Also, this song is still like a punch in the gut.

Every.

Damn.

Time.


(Train … Bulletproof Picasso)