Swinging at smoke…

Writing is hard.

It’s a very cyclical thing for me. It moves along in stages. What those stages are, how long they last, and whether or not I recognize them as they’re happening all vary on a case by case basis.

Right now I’m in the JFC everything is crap stage.

It happens.

I’ve spent a lot of time staring at my writing folder—like I do—trying to discern what I should be working on. Truth is, I really don’t know.

Once upon a time I went through and summarized all of my “active” projects. It was a lot more difficult than it should have been. And I’ve been trying to do an updated version of it with the current active list for…a long time. It’s an exercise in brevity and it’s incredibly difficult for someone like me who has a tendency to ramble incessantly, especially when it comes to talking about writing.

I want to write a brief summary of the plot, a few notes on where my brain is at on the given project, and a snippet of text from the actual story. Problem is I could go on for hours about each one when “summarizing” the plot. (I might need to lookup the actual definition of the word summarize, because clearly it doesn’t mean what I think it means.) As for where my brain is at with each one, a lot of it generally comes out as fuck if I know. And when it comes to pulling out a few lines of text…I want to take paragraphs.

And then I have a twenty-thousand word post.

Give or take.

I’ve considered doing an individual post on each one in a series. Then I could ramble all I want. But it’s supposed to be about brevity. And while that’s clearly not one of my strong suits, that’s what I want it to be.

So as it goes with everything in writing, I keep hacking and slashing until it resembles something I’m more or less okay with.

Or I shove it back in the drafts folder and forget about it for awhile.

Fair warning…this whole thing is five-thousand-some-odd words. (The last one I did was 3000+…so…)

So much for that whole brevity thing, I guess.

Hey—it’s fairly brief commentary for each story. But once you pile them all together…

Continue reading “Swinging at smoke…”

One by one they drive me crazy…

Wherein Sara babbles, at great length, about the writing projects currently burning holes in her brain.

In other words, none of it will make any sense to anyone but me, and even I probably won’t understand any of it either.



There are times I sit and stare at the projects sitting in my writing folder and find myself wondering what the hell all these code names mean. So many of them have nothing to do with the actual project, I have to wonder what I was thinking when I named them. Then again I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wonder that about the newest projects too.

It’s kind of sad that even I don’t understand what the hell any of it means and I’m the one who CREATED IT.

@reference… Varied and sundry reference files I’ve felt compelled to save from research I’ve done over time. I could probably delete a lot of what’s in that folder because when I look through it, I have no idea what a lot of it was even for in the first place.

@stalled… Projects that have been put to bed indefinitely, but still hold the potential to turn into something if I ever find new inspiration to work on them. Folders get moved in and out of this one at random depending on how I feel about them at a given time.

baylor… Darren Baylor is the newest artist signed to the Chance Records label under Will Jenkins’ tutelage. He finds himself recording his major-label debut with the famed Jenkins siblings, Kate and Marc. Inane late night conversations and romance ensue along side of familial drama.

boy nextdoor… This thing probably belongs in the “seek therapy” folder, but it hasn’t been buried there just yet. Hallie is a 33 year old former high school teacher who tutors her 18 year old neighbor Chris. All is business as usual until he professes his love for her and she finds herself seriously considering the prospect of a May December romance, while fully acknowledging she’s likely going straight to hell for even thinking about it.

She wanted to restore a little more of his confidence, even though she knew she was just packing her things into the hand basket for her one-way ticket to hell.

brother’s keeper… Alex opens her door to her delinquent stepbrother Nick, knowing full well she’s going to regret it. It doesn’t take long for him to end up in the hospital after an accidental drug overdose, followed by a 90-day stint in rehab. In the meantime, she finds an unexpected supporter in Ryan, one of Nick’s friends. Shocking, because she’s pretty much guaranteed to hate any of Nick’s friends. Romance ensues. Because it always does.

“Take a shower and burn your clothes. You smell like bong water in a dirty ashtray.”

desmond… Marissa has been Emery’s assistant for five years. He was engaged when they met, to a woman who eventually broke his heart. The pair have been dancing around the fact that they’re in love with each other, both denying the truth, until one night Emery gets drunk, calls Marissa for a ride, and ends up drunkenly professing his love for her. They find themselves toeing the line of professionally acceptable (he’s her boss after all) and what they really want.

“Alright fine. Stick with your platonic business lunches. Just know you’re not fooling anybody. Except maybe yourself.”

dreamweaver… Alison and Parker have been roommates for three years, and friends for more than twenty. A blast from the past resurfaces unexpectedly and apologizes for being a complete dick in high school. The ex-husband regrets ever asking for a divorce. The best friend ends up in her bed in the midst of a depressive slump that has everyone worried and on edge.

executive decision… Juliette and her small-time web design business get hired for a personal project for Andrew Gaynor, local self-made multimillionaire. He’s a shameless flirt and she doesn’t deal in bullshit. Personalities clash until Juliette caves and agrees to a date with Andrew, wherein she finds out he’s not the pompous ass she thought he was. Romance ensues amidst medical emergencies and a whole lot more drama.

The air of arrogant confidence that had once radiated from him had crumbled, gone completely. In its place stood a timid, broken, kid.

freelancer… There are two separate projects sitting under the Freelancer moniker and probably half a dozen other side projects exploring what if scenarios. There is a lot of crackpot drivel sitting there that should never be allowed to see the light of day, but is often way too much fun to write. The legitimate projects follow the same character Kate and the two ways she gets a job with Flammable Tech Productions…one in which she ends up with Michael and the other where she ends up with Joel. Both scenarios were spawned by bizarre dreams that had me wondering if I should stop smoking crack before bed. It’s this hodgepodge of projects that made me realize Kate’s like the office bicycle—everybody’s had a ride. Kate’s kind of a h0r. (Not really. I just make her look that way every time I concoct a new scenario of what if THIS happened?)

grammer check… Andrew Mason was the second ever Chance Records artist I created. He was somewhat of a veteran in the music business when I initially wrote him into another story, but when I decided to give him his own story, I moved him to present day Chance Records and signed him as a new artist all over again. The famed Jenkins siblings (Kate and Marc) are on board to produce his debut album and after spending twelve weeks working together, Kate finds herself in a position she always swore would never ever happen—in love with a musician, a one Andrew Mason.

“You probably think I’m a raging, insufferable bitch right about now.”

He laughed, shrugging, “I wouldn’t say that. I think you have little patience for people who clearly don’t know how to do their job—justified. But you’re still nice enough to answer their stupid questions even though it drives you crazy.”

“Out of that you concluded that I’m nice?”

“Why are you up at six in the morning for a conference call with people you have no obligation to talk to?”

She opened her mouth to respond and promptly snapped it shut.

grey matter… I have the whole timeline planned out on this thing—where it should start, where it should end, all wrapped up in a nice five-day package. But I can’t get the characters right. There have been so many changes made, I’ve lost count how many different people have been through this casting call. It might be on the way to the stalled folder until I can get this shit figured out.

missing in action… Ryan Mills is a rockstar on the rise signed to the Chance Records label. He’s on a hiatus between touring and recording his next album and returns to his tiny hometown for the first time since he left fifteen years ago. He never thought he’d return after the way things fell apart with his dad, but if his sister has her way, there will be reconciliation before he leaves town again. In the meantime he runs into Hallie—the high school crush he’s held onto all these years—and finds himself rethinking everything he thought he had planned.

Now that he could see her clearly, Ryan realized he’d recognize her anywhere. He watched her curiously as she walked toward him, his heart hammering in his chest.

She looked up at him and smiled, “Can I help you find something?”

He shook his head slowly, trying to swallow past the sudden knot in his throat, “Hey, Hallie.”

So maybe there were two reasons he’d braved coming back.

reunion… Ben and Marina are spending two weeks in their tiny hometown for Lanie and Sam’s wedding. As best man and maid of honor, there’s not much getting around it—especially considering Lanie is Marina’s sister and Sam is Ben’s cousin. It should be a fun, albeit chaotic, trip home. Drama strikes when the long strained relationship between the two comes to a head, putting everyone on edge until tragedy strikes with Marina’s little brother Jake. The two week vacation gets extended while they rebound from Jake’s trip to the emergency room and Ben and Marina finally decide that they’ve had enough of the bullshit drama they’ve been shoving around for a lifetime. They focus on mending their friendship, while everyone focuses on healing after almost losing Jake. And when the trip finally comes to an end, Marina finally admits what she’s been denying was true for years.

Oh Ben and Marina…never have I loved two characters I created so very much. They’ve been stalled at 63,000 words for far too long and as I start from scratch on the timeline of events, the gears are turning on what it is I need to do to fix what’s wrong and make new progress. Much like Ben is the bane of Marina’s existence, this story is the bane of mine.

Ben let her go and bent to kiss her cheek. At the last second Marina turned her head, catching him on the lips. He froze, dark eyes wide. A slow smile spread across his lips and he shook his head, “That’s my move, Gator.”

“Then I’ve learned from the best,” she smirked.

round two… Jacey loved Austin from the time they were twelve years old. He was her first everything. When they got married they had high hopes and aspirations for a lifetime together, and everything was perfect…until one day it wasn’t. It’s been six years since they got divorced and they’re both miserable. Jacey has been looking for an apology from Austin, but despite asking her repeatedly what he’s supposed to be apologizing for, he still has no idea what it is. He wants her back and he’s determined to make things right, but she keeps pushing him away. Nobody believes her when she says she wants him gone for good. She doesn’t deny she still loves him, but refuses to admit she wants him back too. It’s not until Austin tells her he’s finally done chasing her that she admits she doesn’t want him to stop.

After six years she’d almost convinced herself she didn’t want him in her life anymore. If she didn’t have to see him, she could forgive herself easier for giving up when he decided he was finally ready to fight.

saints and sinners… Kailyn is the tour manager for rock band Subtle Definition, and questions several times a day what the hell she’s doing with her life. Dealing with groupies and girlfriends and endless drama, she has five horny twenty-somethings under her supervision, and the last thing she has time for is a relationship. A medical emergency with a member of the band brings everything to a screeching halt and has everybody reevaluating what’s really important.

seek therapy… Where the crack-laden pipe dreams congregate. The home to the ridiculous and inane fanfiction and varied and sundry projects labeled “never see the light of day.” It’s what I write when I need to purge the crazy from my brain. It makes me question my own sanity, but it’s a hell of a lot of fun to play with.

smoked… Lia is a writer who works from home. She finds herself fixated on the neighbor’s new roommate, the chain-smoking, unemployed younger brother. Despite his multitude of flaws and questionable life choices, Sam turns out to make an interesting friend. A whole host of family drama on both sides keeps them stressed as all hell, but that doesn’t stop the breeding of romance. Because it never does.

spoiled brat… The original idea for executive decision had Andrew Gaynor being a complete douche canoe. But as I developed the character, I realized, it just didn’t fit him. I had a lot written in that direction, so I shoved it aside for awhile, until the brain dredged up a different plan that could use that material. A chance encounter in a coffee shop lands Olivia a photography gig with Parker Investments—the biggest real estate empire in the Midwest. She also garners the attention of Christan Parker, the younger of the two Parker sons poised to one day inherit the empire. It’s unwanted attention for more reasons than she can count, but that doesn’t stop him from pursuing her. Christian doesn’t know the meaning of the word commitment or the word no, but he’s fixated on getting to know Olivia. Olivia has her own life to deal with and has little patience for the spoiled rich brat who won’t leave her the hell alone. In a surprise to no one—romance ensues.

“Are you purposely trying to avoid me?”

“As much as I’d like to say yes to that question, no I’m not purposely trying to avoid you. You just happened to show up at a very inconvenient time in my life.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

She frowned, surprised by the sincerity in his question. The smoldering gaze was softening into one of concern.

“Well I’d appreciate it if you’d dislodge your boner from my hip. But other than that—there’s not much you can do for me.”

He took a fraction of a step back, but didn’t remove his hand from her waist. She felt a drastic shift in his demeanor, from possessive lust to protective concern.

What is with this guy?

teacher’s pet… Hannah is an eleven-year veteran high school English teacher. Chris is fresh out of college starting his first year teaching at the same school. They make fast friends and the more they get to know each other, Hannah finds herself wondering what if and if only. Much to her great surprise (but not the kids playing along at home), Chris is on the same page.

teenage dream… Matt and Alison first met at six years old, started dating at fourteen, and found themselves with a baby just shy of seventeen. They split up at twenty but managed to maintain a close friendship (and then some) in all that time. Fifteen years later, their son Zach is almost ready to graduate high school, and they’re finally ready to try being together again. At the same time Zach’s relationship with Remy is ever-evolving as Remy deals with more bullshit from his family than any one person should in a lifetime.

“I’m seventeen, Mom. I know what sex is. And while I really don’t care to hear the details of my parents’ sex lives, I don’t delude myself into thinking you never have it—with each other. But if there is something actually going on between you two, and I don’t mean sex, I think I deserve to know. Being your son and all.”

Alison nodded, setting a glass of orange juice in front of him, “We’ve been doing a lot of talking lately—more so than usual, anyway. We were thinking…maybe we’d try dating again.”

“Each other I hope.”

No, we were planning on joining a singles’ group together,” she rolled her eyes, shaking her head.

“It might be a little…weird…after all this time,” Matt rubbed the back of his neck, eyes shifting between Zach and Alison, “not quite sure how people will respond to it…but…you’re the first to know.”

“I certainly hope I’m the first,” Zach snorted, “I’m the gay kid of teen parents who never got married…I think I can handle a little weird. And you know how people are going to respond? It’s about fucking time.”

the older man… Once upon a time I had a dream wherein Kiefer Sutherland propositioned me in an elementary school auditorium. The scenario played over and over in my head for far too long as I contemplated the prospect of somehow turning it into some sort of story. Eventually a usable idea manifested and Kailyn finds herself being propositioned outside of an elementary school by Alex. (Though he is not actually based on Mr. Sutherland.) Many curse words are launched, accompanied by the threat of twisting balls, and after an apology and some tense conversation, friendship develops. Adding in a health scare, a spiteful ex-wife, and an excess of varied and sundry drama, the end result is romance. Because of course it is.

I blame Kiefer Sutherland.

theatrical debut… Darren moves home to Colorado after six years living in New York and finds his long-time crush on the [older] girl next door is still going strong. Hannah is finally on the rebound after a divorce from a cheating bastard. When the adorable neighbor kid she used to babysit moves home virtually unannounced, she finds herself wondering when then hell Darren grew up on her. Friendship ensues, long held secrets are revealed, tragedy strikes, drunken confessions are made. And maybe eight years isn’t such a big age gap after all.

unconventional roommates… Jordan decides to open the door to the prospect of a roommate and ends up with a whole lot more than she bargained for in Melissa and Andrew, a mother and her adult son rebuilding their life after escaping a toxic situation on the other side of the country. Twenty-seven years of being heavily sheltered, controlled, manipulated, and abused, Andrew doesn’t trust anybody or know which end is up. Despite being absolutely terrified, he finds himself trusting Jordan as she offers support and teaches him about the world at large. The damage of his toxic upbringing is extensive, making adjusting to his new life nearly impossible, but Jordan is determined to help him heal in whatever ways she can.

This project started out as something VERY DIFFERENT, spawned from a dream that would have put it in a completely different section of a bookstore. But as I toyed with the idea, it morphed and evolved, and pretty much turned into a heavy reflection of my relationship with Bob and how we cope and deal with my mental illness. The circumstances surrounding Jordan and Andrew are so completely different than what Bob and I have experienced in life, but at the core there is a lot of personal experience poured into their interactions and emotions. It’s probably the closest I’ll ever come to writing about us.

Normal is highly overrated. Also—it’s a bullshit concept. It just gives people the liberty to be judgmental assholes because they wouldn’t do something the same way as somebody else. There are a lot of things about this situation that people would consider weird or wrong, but there is nothing actually wrong with any of it. The only thing wrong here is the fact that you had to go through the shit you did. Nobody deserves that. As far as weird? I don’t care, I fully embrace weird.”

actor list… A list of varied and sundry celebrity types that serves as inspiration when I’m building character lists for projects.

Chance Records… Notes on the multitude of Chance Records artists past and present. There are many that never had their own stories or were merely mentioned in somebody else’s tale. Many I remember the band name, but not the story to go with them. Chance Records is sixteen years old. There’s a lot of history in that fake record label.

name list… A simplified list compiled from hours of scanning through baby name books, whittling things down to acceptable choices to use for characters. I recycle the same names all the time, but occasionally I need something different. This is where I start.

In short…I’ve got too many fucking irons in the fire and it’s really no surprise I haven’t finished a damn thing in about ten years.

Forget about yesterday by tomorrow…

I can write pages and pages of dialogue (and the occasional narrative) and find most of it to be crap. Or what I perceive as crap. Somebody else might think it’s okay. Then I go back and read, and reread…and reread…and then something stands out that I actually like and it sticks in my brain and I find myself wondering, “Why can’t it ALL be like that?

But I guess I’ll take what I can get.

The air of arrogant confidence that had once radiated from him had crumbled, gone completely. In its place stood a timid, broken, kid.

After six years she’d almost convinced herself she didn’t want him in her life anymore. If she didn’t have to see him, she could forgive herself easier for giving up when he decided he was finally ready to fight.

She wanted to restore a little more of his confidence, even though she knew she was just packing her things into the hand basket for her one-way ticket to hell.

Ben let her go and bent to kiss her cheek. At the last second Marina turned her head, catching him on the lips. He froze, dark eyes wide. A slow smile spread across his lips and he shook his head, “That’s my move, Gator.”

“Then I’ve learned from the best,” she smirked.

Now that he could see her clearly, Ryan realized he’d recognize her anywhere. He watched her curiously as she walked toward him, his heart hammering in his chest.

She looked up at him and smiled, “Can I help you find something?”

He shook his head slowly, trying to swallow past the sudden knot in his throat, “Hey, Hallie.”

So maybe there were two reasons he’d braved coming back.

Kate heaved a frustrated sigh, shaking her head as she looked down at the package of coffee filters, “I have not had enough sleep for my fingers to be able to separate these things,” she looked up, surprised when Andy appeared next to her, carefully taking the package and plucked a single filter from the stack. He handed them back to her with a smirk, but didn’t say a word.

She stared up at him and shook her head, “You probably think I’m a raging, insufferable bitch right about now.”

He laughed, shrugging, “I wouldn’t say that. I think you have little patience for people who clearly don’t know how to do their job—justified. But you’re still nice enough to answer their stupid questions even though it drives you crazy.”

“Out of that you concluded that I’m nice?”

“Why are you up at six in the morning for a conference call with people you have no obligation to talk to?”

She opened her mouth to respond and promptly snapped it shut. She stared up at him, brows furrowed.

Tucker snorted, shaking his head, “I’ve never seen anybody figure her out that fast.”

Andy looked at him, arching an eyebrow, “Seriously?”

He shrugged, motioning toward Kate, “Katie usually keeps people guessing the entire time they work together. They’re also usually afraid of her.”

“I think most people are intimidated by smart women. Most guys at least.”

“Are you intimidated by smart women?”

Andy turned to look at Kate again, “Why should I be? I have nothing to overcompensate for.”

She eyed him critically and nodded as she poked him in the shoulder, “I think I like you.”

Also, at this point, I’m pretty sure Word is just fucking with me.

Get used to looking up…

I’ve had a headache since Thursday night. I’d very much appreciate it if Bob would drill a hole in the side of my head to release some pressure, but he refuses to do it.

Whatever, dude.

What.

Ever.

It was probably a bit overly ambitious of me to start three new writing projects in the span of a week, but I’ve written a collective 24,000 words on those three projects so shut-up.

Sure that means the other…four projects I’ve been hammering on this year have dropped off the map (for now), but WRITING.

I always have to go back to my writing directory to see how many projects there are in the “current” pipeline, because I really have no idea without looking. I jump from project to project so much, I can’t keep track of it all.

Probably why I never finish anything.

One project is destined to be a problem because I don’t have a clear picture of where things should end.

One project has the promising potential to be a short story, granted I can figure out how to shut up.

The third…is not so much anything with potential, just a purge of some crazy rolling around in my head.

Which makes me realize, all of my “Never See the Light of Day” projects are really just that:

A brain purge.

I get these ideas for conversations between characters that don’t have a place anywhere else. It’s usually completely banal and inane crap, but it’s also usually what I have the most fun writing. Even if it’s completely awful.

“Are you purposely trying to avoid me?”

“As much as I’d like to say yes to that question, no I’m not purposely trying to avoid you. You just happened to show up at a very inconvenient time in my life.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

She frowned, surprised by the sincerity in his question. The smoldering gaze was softening into one of concern.

“Well I’d appreciate it if you’d dislodge your boner from my hip. But other than that—there’s not much you could do for me.”

He took a fraction of a step back, but didn’t remove his hand from her waist. She felt a drastic shift in his demeanor, from possessive lust to protective concern.

What is with this guy?

Some things are only funny to me.