I read a lot of blogs. Some daily. Some less often. I subscribe to a whole mess of them through Google Reader. I have even more bookmarked under a category called “Blog Stalking: Random Folk.”
The majority of these blogs are just average people with average lives. But I’ve always been drawn to that kind of thing. The ordinary, everyday is what interests me. Sharing in people’s everyday lives has always fascinated me. What you had for lunch, what you watched on TV last night, that weird dream you had, the idiocy of your coworkers, the pictures of your cats, your kids, your kitchen…I’m genuinely interested.
Maybe that makes me creepy or weird, but why do YOU read other people’s blogs?
I’ve stumbled across a lot of people I’ve felt a personal connection with. Be it over mental health concerns, personal fears, general interests, many things.
My biggest problem…is commenting…communicating.
I’m horrible at it.
I long to build connections with these people, but I have an impossible time doing it.
I’ve always been painfully shy and suffered severe social anxiety. I had hope that under the cover of the internet, behind the mask of my computer, I’d be able to be more social, but I still live in paralyzing fear of being rejected, being humiliated, and that’s hindered me greatly.
I just always feel like I have nothing intelligent to say. I always feel like what I write in comments makes me sound like a complete idiot. So I agonize over the words, delete, rewrite, delete, rewrite, and eventually end up not saying anything at all.
I have gotten better. I’ve been getting better. HELL—I met my HUSBAND online, but then again, HE approached ME…but I did muster the courage to respond.
Little by little I’ve been coming out of my shell. I’ve been “talking” to people on Twitter a little more. I’ve been making an effort to comment on other people’s blogs more and more. I’m trying so hard to make an effort, to open up to people. To work past this debilitating anxiety of talking to people. Maybe if I can have some success with people online, I can have some success in real life too.
I’ve been told by so many that I’m a genuinely likable, nice person.
I just wish it was easier for me to present that to people.
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