What a way to start the new year….
According to revision history, I started this draft on December 27th. The last edit, before now, was January 3rd. When I opened up the draft, I realized the post was finished, I just never actually hit publish. Sure it’s March and it’s old news and I already posted about it on Instagram.
But it’s a finished post, so just publish the damn thing and get it out of the drafts folder already.
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Several years ago I got the wild hair to do a Project 365—taking photo a day, every day, for 365 days. I started somewhere in the middle of the year and took pictures every single day, then posted them to a dedicated blog space. I finished taking pictures, but never finished posting them, and when it was over I thought to myself, “I’m not doing this again.”
But every year, when January 1st rolls around, and people start talking about all their resolutions and goals and projects and whathaveyou, I start to think, “I should do another Project 365.” And then I remember how much I did not enjoy the first one, and quickly push that crazy notion aside.
I do not lead an exciting or interesting life. I don’t even leave the house most days. I don’t DO much. At all. Taking pictures of stuffed animals and word counts amuses the hell out of me, but does not make for an interesting visual story. But when January 1, 2017 rolled around, I thought to myself, “I should do another Project 365. It’s been awhile. Maybe it will be different.”
And then I committed to double duty by making the ridiculous decision to not only take pictures every day, but to also take pictures of myself every day. Some people try to make it sound fancy by calling it a “self-portrait project” but we all know there’s nothing fancy about selfies.
One of the big “selling points” of a Project 365 is the notion that taking pictures every day will make you a better photographer. It will force you to get creative and stretch your mind to take unique pictures every day. Maybe that’s true for some people, but most definitely not for me. Sure I learned things, but an increase in the quality of my pictures was not part of it.
A few things from along the way…
… the focus on my little point-and-shoot is crap
… white-balance is a fickle bitch
… I wear the same clothes several days in a row (I shower daily and sit in front of my computer all the time. I’m not exactly getting dirty.)
… stuffed animals, floor plans, and word counts are 90% of my existence
… I cannot take myself seriously when taking pictures of myself. I feel like a complete tool. I applaud anyone who can do it without the self-loathing.
… I prefer my hair a darker color (I liked the reddish, but I like darker brown better.)
… my hair is a hot mess 99% of the time (I comb it, you just can’t tell.)
… my house and its four windows has terrible lighting
… while I have long enjoyed taking pictures, I would not enjoy being a photographer
… taking pictures through windows greatly distorts color
This go-round I used daily prompts but skipped the posting. I compiled five different sources and picked one from the bunch every day. Even with the daily prompts, I still found myself grasping at straws to figure out what to take pictures of most days. A lot of my final takes were extremely loose interpretations of the actual prompts. I am not a visual artist. I’m better with words.
So.
If I have nothing positive to say about the whole thing, why did I do it?
And no, contrary to outward appearances, it wasn’t just so I would have something to bitch about. Trust me, I have plenty to bitch about as it is, I don’t need to make shit up to bitch about.
I did it because I am constantly on the hunt for creative projects outside of writing. Things I can do when the writer’s block is killing me.
I did it because I wanted to commit to a creative project and see it through to the end. Something that would hold my focus for an extended period of time. Follow-though is one of my biggest failures as a human being. Something that covered an entire year would serve multiple purposes.
I did it to prove to myself that I am capable of seeing something through to the end. Something that ranked low on the anxiety scale. Something that wouldn’t cause me a great deal of panic and shame if I did give up along the way.
I did it for reasons of varied import.
I did it for me.
There were countless times I wanted to just quit. Times I questioned why I kept tormenting myself if it wasn’t very fun in the first place.
But as much as I annoyed myself with the whole thing, I finished it. Am I happy about that? I suppose. I don’t feel any great sense of accomplishment, I’m just glad it’s over.
And next time I think I should take on another 365 I can pull up the relevant post category and reread this post to remind myself why I should probably just skip it.
Truthfully, I had more fun putting the end result into monthly grids than I did participating in the actual project. I like futzing around in Photoshop. (But certainly not for editing pictures. Ugh.)
Three hundred sixty-five pictures of random daily life.
Three hundred sixty-five pictures of myself.
Because reasons.
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The New Year Parachute |