Oh hey it’s March.
And here I thought I was going to start the year off with writing more here.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha…ha…ha…ha…
Ha.
Ha.
Ha.
*ahem*
Anyway.
I have tried—TRIED—to write here so many times since my last post. But every time I open this same draft (started January 11th according to revision history) I find myself floundering, at an absolute loss for something to say.
Which pretty much sums up all of my writing as of late. Among other areas of my life.
So listing.
Because reasons.
1.) January kind of sucked. And having two funerals two weekends in a row didn’t help.
2.) February was…February. The 13th marked ten full years since getting fired from the Toxic Shit Hole (TM). I’ve now been away from that place longer than I was there. Maybe in another ten years I’ll stop having recurring nightmares about being forced to go back. Because waking up in the middle of a panic attack is physically painful and not my idea of a good night’s sleep.
3.) I can’t tell if the air has been more dry as far as winter goes, or if it’s just because I’m old. I do know that I finally found a downside to my $6,000 nose. Turbinate reduction opens things up to breathe, but there is less tissue to hold in the natural moisture in your nose and man, mornings are rough in many, disgusting, multi-colored ways. BUT! Even stuffy and gross, I can still breathe better than a “good” day pre-surgery. SO I’LL TAKE IT. Even so, I’ve gotten spoiled by this whole breathing clearly business, and whenever my nose does get stuffy I’m just WTF I DIDN’T PAY FOR THIS.
4.) We bought a new refrigerator. We’ve had the money set aside for it for a long time and we finally got around to buying it. It’s pretty and I love it.
5.) Writing is still not happening. Oh sure Basil has a metric fuckton of WHATIFs to hurl down the mountain, but none of them are truly viable and so I just sit, spinning my wheels, feeling like I’m suffocating because I can’t clear the crap out of my brain.
6.) Hunter turned 20 in January. Joe turned 50 in February. My dad turned 75 last week. Why is everybody in my family aging so gaddamn fast? The tiny baby that made me an aunt is twenty years old. (Which also means I have been out of high school for twenty years and WTAF how is that possible?)
7.) I spend a lot of time browsing around Amazon adding things to wishlists that I’m never going to actually buy. There are a lot of things I WANT to buy, but refrain (mostly), because I don’t need any of it and I know—now, I could have used this knowledge 10+ years ago, thanks—that I mostly just want to buy crap I don’t need because that is how I self-medicate when I can’t get a handle on my brain. Age and wisdom or somesuch malarky.
8.) A visual representation of my brain.
9.) O.A.R. put out a new song with a sound circling closer their early days and I just really love Marc Roberge’s voice, okay?
(Just Like Paradise by O.A.R.)
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Worth Fighting For Nine Days |