Standing in the dark…

It’s offensive-something-o’clock in the middle of the night and I’m sitting at my desk in the dark with a mug of room-temperature tea.

As I’m writing this, the oldest post on the main page of ye olde blog is my Year in Review survey for 2016. Which means I’ve only published ten posts in 2017. If I actually post this one, it will finally push that one to the next page. But still. That’s pathetic. I used to write so much more. And considering how much I’m paying for this domain, I really need to be making better use of this space. I miss it. I just haven’t had the brain power to focus on it.

My writing as a whole has suffered immensely in the last year. As has my mental health. There are many contributing factors to this, but the horrifying state of the world ranks highest.

But I don’t want to talk about that.

Making listing posts always feels like a cop-out, but it allows me to purge my brain without having to actually connect the thoughts spilling out. I’m still writing, so I need to just stop trying to justify my habits to the ether.

1.) I put together a shoe rack for the coat closet by the front door. It’s metal with mesh shelves and canvas drawers and way more storage than we actually need for shoes, but that closet is also way more storage than we need for our coats, so I just created functional storage for other stuff and now the toolbox is tucked away instead of sitting in random places in the living room. Up next…installing shelving in the closet in the second bedroom. Because I am going to get that episode of Hoarders under control if it kills me.

2.) I have 23 posts sitting in drafts. Some of them are mostly finished but haven’t been published for varied and sundry reasons. There are a few I’m tempted to just post without any additional context even though they are completely irrelevant and outdated compared to when they were originally written. I want to post them in part because it would inexplicably amuse me. In part because the writing doesn’t suck. We’ll see what happens.

3.) Sometimes now I sit and breathe deeply through my nose BECAUSE I CAN. I paid $6,000 to do this. Nearly five months post-op and I still boggle that I paid that much money and it ACTUALLY WORKED. I no longer feel like I’m forcing air through Silly Putty and I STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THIS MUCH AIR AT ONE TIME. *ahem*

4.) I started writing a thing in the middle of summer and I was doing really well [for me] at focusing on just one project and then a certain little gremlin crawled out of his hidey-hole, and started tapping me on the shoulder whispering WHATIF? And once again we’re back to careening down the side of Basil’s MF WHATIF mountain. Which wouldn’t be a terrible thing if there was a single comprehensive plot in the bunch, but there’s really not. It’s just a heap of half-baked ideas that could be worth something if there was anything even resembling a complete story. I have a love-hate relationship with this phase of my deranged writing cycle. On one hand…IDEAS! SO! MANY! IDEAS! On the other hand…okay I wrote down those ideas and there is no discernible plot in here anywhere. I’m writing, but it only goes so far before the well runs dry on each one. Then I find myself questioning why I even bother in the first place.

5.) I may spend a lot of time cursing Basil’s incessant whatif-ing, but that doesn’t stop me from finding songs to use as character theme songs.

6.) Bob bought me a new video game. It’s an upgrade to my home architect program. I’ve had it less than a month and I’ve probably invested more hours into it than any actual game I’ve played in the last year. The platypus approves.

 

 

7.) I forgot to resize the object before placing it and the Giant Mouse amused me far more than it probably should have and I’m gonna need Jelly Cat to make me a 10-foot Emerson Mouse please and thank you.

 

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