Nonsequitur Life

Minnesota Weather Update: IT SNOWED.

Like, measurable snowfall.

It was probably three inches at most, but the snow removal company had to actually come out and shovel and plow for the first time this entire season. I heard shoveling around bedtime and looked outside and there were so many dudes with shovels, there was practically one in every driveway on our patch of street. Usually it’s one or two doing front steps while the truck or Bobcat does the driveways and road. Were they celebrating having something to do? I don’t know, but everything is white again. At least for a few days until it’s well above freezing again and everything will melt.

Anyway.

I’ve been using Evernote to write in bed when I’m not sleeping. Why don’t I just get up and sit at my computer if I’m not sleeping? Because I like to delude myself that if I stay in bed, I will get sleepy enough to actually sleep.

Hey.

It happens.

Occasionally.

Anyroad.

Writing in bed.

On my phone.

I do not know how people can stand to do a lot of typing on their phone. Tiny screen, single finger typing is not my style. It’s slow and cumbersome and loaded with WAY MORE typos than typing on a real keyboard. I skip a lot of formatting because I can’t use keystrokes and if it wasn’t for predictive text, I would probably lose my mind completely trying to accomplish anything. I frequently leave typos as is because it’s not worth trying to get cursor precision with my fingertip when I’m probably going to just retype it all into Word eventually anyway. As long as I can understand what I meant, it stays.

I can tell I’ve been doing a lot more writing on my phone lately because predictive text is learning my repetitive habits, suggesting the same sentences over and over again and really, I don’t appreciate being called out like that, PHONE. It’s just rude. But at least it knows to just suggest all the variations of the f-bomb and other curse words I’m prone to using and doesn’t suggest stupid shit like ducking.

However, much like Word‘s spelling and grammar check, it occasionally lands far enough off the mark that it raises a lot of questions.

I overuse gobsmacked a lot, but I don’t think I have ever typed Godsmack in my life and certainly not on my phone. I couldn’t name a single Godsmack song if my life depended on it. And yet it came up as a suggestion before the word I’ve used many a time.

And again. I have never typed the name Shapiro and it popped up as soon as I typed the s and I have never deleted a suggestion faster. (But not before googling a setting for DO NOT EVER SUGGEST THAT SHIT AGAIN. Turns out, there’s a trash can for that. As there should be.)

Other times it’s accurate and utterly confusing at the same time. Yes, Jacob’s last name is Holland but…why the cat emoji? Or any emoji for that matter?

Then there’s this one that is just…so…fucking funny to me and I have no idea why. I actually laughed out loud when I read this. I mean, Jesus Christ makes sense just from a general standpoint. It usually has a fucking in the middle of it if I’m the one typing it. (Because I am a filthy heathen.) But the Brendon part threw me for a loop. How often do I type Jesus Brendon on my phone that, that is an automatic suggestion? Brendon is a name I have used as a story character or two dozen, but he’s not even in the story I was working on here.

Typically the suggestions are unrelated, but this time it made a complete sentence.

Jesus is Christ, Brendon.

And…I laughed.

A lot.

And kept laughing every time I thought about it for an entire day. (Or several.)

I was telling Bob about this one and when I said, Brendon’s not even in that story, he replied, Well he is NOW.

And I laughed.

Again.

Because it was funny.

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Fake Out Fall Out Boy