I don’t know how to write narrative.
We’ve been over this.
When I first started writing…twenty-plus years ago…I wrote in first-person. (But NEVER first-person present-tense JESUSFUCKINGCHRIST people knock that shit off.) Most of the books I read were written in first person. It was what I knew. I don’t know exactly when I made the switch to third-person narrative. It was sometime after I finished my grand masterpiece, but that’s about all the memory I can muster. I don’t even remember what the first project I tried writing in third-person was. I just know that I struggled quite a bit making the transition as it was so foreign to me. Now I struggle to write in first-person. It just no longer works for my methods. I have too much to say from the perspective of multiple characters and I’m not a fan of the trend of switching character perspectives every chapter.
One thing I do miss about writing in first-person, however, is the ease of telling back story. It was so much easier for me to fill in the necessary details when I was telling “my” story. Writing in third-person, I just haven’t figured out how to do that in a cohesive manner. It always ends up as a disjointed information dump that never quite hits the mark. (Kind of like this drivel.) Best I can muster usually is extensive conversation between characters, letting the dialogue fill in the back story. It works in some instances, but most of the time it just doesn’t. And that’s where most projects fall apart.
The gaddamn narrative.
That is why the Ben & Marina project has hit such a massive brick wall. Well…ONE of the main reasons at least. I need the narrative to properly fill in the gaps between dialogue and I’m struggling with figuring out just what exactly is actually relevant to tell. I have so much back story built up (in my head) surrounding these characters, I have no idea what is relevant to the current story and what is just filler for my overloaded brain.
Do I need to explain the origins of certain character nicknames? It’s not difficult to figure out why everybody calls Brody Mouth, but calling Jake Mouse doesn’t translate quite the same. And why the hell does Ben constantly call Marina Gator? I know the origins, but is it relevant to the current story? It’s probably worth noting somewhere along the line that Marina is the only person who knows the truth of how Ben’s last relationship ended, as it plays a significant role in his trepidation in regard to just going for it with Marina, but how much detail is necessary? Does it matter that Ben showed up drunk on Marina’s doorstep and she coddled him while he puked, then soothed his wounded (and severely hungover) ego with bacon ice cream? What about the necklace she always wears (that he gave her) or the tattoo on her wrist? Those are pretty telling details as to how she really feels about the “bane” of her existence, but where do those details fit in to the overall story? ((He gives you jewelry and you have a tattoo specific to him. I can totally see how you two hate each other.)) And when it comes to explaining the stupidly dysfunctional dynamic between them, how many words do I need to spend to say once upon a time Ben was kind of an ass but eventually grew out of it, but Marina has extreme trust issues and doesn’t know how to let go of a damn grudge. Thirty-three? That’s the gist of the problem, but it doesn’t make for very interesting reading. Although it would save me a lot of agony in the long run, I suppose.
It’s funny though. With as much as I’ve struggled with narrative in this story, the actual beginning of it is two pages of straight narrative. It currently feels like a forced information dump, but still. That coupled with the fact that I struggle just as much with beginnings (and endings) as I do the narrative (on any project) turns this whole thing into that much more of a head-scratcher.
There is nothing particularly groundbreaking about the plot of this story, but I never set out to do that in the first place. I write stories I would want to read. If nobody else finds them interesting, I’m not really concerned with that. I have no intention of publishing any of it in an official capacity anyway. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to actually FINISH the damn thing.
Personal victories and all that.
A simple piece of paper shouldn’t be so irksome, but every time Marina looked at it, she wanted to rip it to shreds. Never mind the fact that she had created it, she still wanted to set it (and the couple hundred more just like it sitting on her desk) on fire.
She’d agreed to design her sister’s wedding invitations (and save the date cards and programs, et al) without a second thought. It wasn’t until the event was just weeks away and Lanie sent her the relevant information to make the programs for the ceremony, that she suddenly regretted taking on the job.
It was ridiculous really, that a simple wedding program spiked her ire so much. Two names, two titles, side by side on a piece of fancy cardstock…it all seemed rather innocuous.
Except that it wasn’t.
Not to Marina.
Maid of Honor…Marina Harrell
Best Man…Benjamin HeymanWhen her sister Lanie had announced her engagement to Sam, the reaction from everyone was one more of, “it’s about freaking time,” versus, “YAY! Congratulations! ” Lanie and Sam had been childhood best friends and high school sweethearts, but it wasn’t until they both finished grad school that they finally got engaged. This wedding was a long time coming. That same night, Lanie had asked Marina to be her maid of honor. She had accepted the role, despite the fact that she knew instantly she’d be walking down the aisle of their hometown church on the arm of Ben.
Benjamin Heyman—the boy next door. He was her brother Brody’s best friend. He was Sam’s cousin. He was the one whom Marina so affectionately referred to as the bane of her existence. Most considered Marina’s disdain for Ben to be on the side of over-dramatic, but Marina begged to differ. Seven years her senior, Ben had long considered her the little sister he never had. He teased her and tormented her just like the two older brothers she did have, but as they grew up, she learned to get along with her brothers.
Ben…was an entirely different story.
Ben knew just how to push all of her buttons and crossed every line Marina drew in the sand. Marina knew his weak points, and exploited them strategically as the mind game was far more effective when she stopped just short of pulling the trigger. Countless disputes ended with the prospect of never speaking to one another again. Apologies were always issued after both had time to defuse, but while Ben put forth the effort to make friends, Marina often found it nearly impossible to play along.
Even when he was being nice, Marina struggled see him as anything more than obnoxious. The aggravation was only intensified by the fact that the rest of her family loved him and couldn’t quite understand why Marina seemed to be incapable of getting along with him. He was an only child until age seventeen when little brother Chris was born. He more or less adopted the neighbor family as his own and the sentiment was returned in spades.
It drove Marina crazy.
She was asked frequently to explain her fervent dislike for Ben. The short answer was he was an ass and an obnoxious one at that. The long answer was much more long-winded, often punctuated with an abundance of expletives. She defined their relationship in four parts: the early years of indifference, ten years of torment, the college years, and after the apology.
The early years were easy to explain, she was too young to really remember them, and Ben was largely indifferent to her existence. Little boys weren’t interested in babies, toddlers, or even preschoolers. They had five good years of peace and that was the end of it. Eventually they crossed a threshold. Marina reached an age when her brothers, Brody and Nate, discovered it was much more fun to tease and torment their younger sister rather than just tolerate her. Ben, having no younger siblings of his own, didn’t want to miss out on the experience. Even with the eventual arrival of three more siblings—Lanie and Jake for the Harrell kids, Chris for Ben—it didn’t shift focus from Marina being the target of choice for the oldest three.
Admittedly ten years might have been a bit of an exaggeration—it was more like seven or eight years of torment—but being on the receiving end of the big brother teasing had a way of distorting one’s view of the situation. Especially as the one smack in the middle of the five Harrell kids and the two Heyman brothers. The tormented years overlapped the college years when Brody and Ben moved on to higher education and two years later Nate followed. They might have only been in the next city over, but it was enough distance to usher in a change of perspective and time to grow up for all parties involved.
After four years of college, Ben continued on to grad school and moved away from their tiny hometown on the western outskirts of Grand Junction, across the state to a school in Denver. Marina counted her blessings and enjoyed the reduction of annoyance in her life. She’d since learned to get along with Brody and Nate, but while Ben didn’t tease her quite like he used to, she still viewed any time spent together as an unnecessary evil.
Three years later, with a master’s degree in hand, Ben debated staying in Denver or finding a job closer to home. Meanwhile, Marina prepared for her own college career. She’d had reservations about choosing a school in Denver, knowing that it would bring her closer to her greatest annoyance, but eventually accepted that the city was, in fact, big enough for the two of them to coexist.
Then there was The Apology. Marina cringed at her own choice of words. It made things sound like a damn romantic comedy, though it was anything but. The title stuck, however, as it was exactly that—an apology. If Marina had to define her relationship with Ben in only two parts (instead of four) it would be split before the apology and after. It was a distinct mark in the timeline. It changed everything.
Days before she was scheduled to officially leave for the move to Denver, Ben approached Marina and asked if they could talk. He issued her a genuine apology for all the years of teasing and torment he put her through. He’d planned his words carefully, waiting for a time he thought she would be ready and willing to accept an apology from him. Marina wasn’t entirely sure what to make of the speech, convinced if she accepted without question, he’d turn it around and say it was all a ruse. To say she had trust issues would be the understatement of the millennium. In time she realized he was serious—he had actually grown up—even if it didn’t fix everything.
They didn’t become the best of friends, but her tolerance threshold for his general presence increased over time. They still argued frequently, but it became a level playing field instead of Ben always holding the upper hand. It helped too, that they rarely saw one another, despite now living just five miles apart. Marina’s four years of college turned out to be the most civil years of their entire relationship thus far.
After graduating, Marina landed a job in Denver, and even though they still lived just five miles apart, typically the only time she and Ben saw one another was when they went home to visit their families. Their relationship transformed from one that was always strained to one that was just, for lack of a better word, dysfunctional. Their ability to argue like the world was ending remained strongly intact, but they also gained the ability to get along…sometimes. One might dare say they forged a friendship out of the ashes of the countless burned bridges in their convoluted past. Although one generally did not dare say this in front of Marina, lest one was looking for a few colorful words, a smack upside the head, and a middle finger as she stalked out of the room. Sometimes double middle fingers if the term Drama Queen was uttered upon her exit.
It had been ten years since that major shift in the tides. Neither one could explain how nor why they functioned together the way they did. It was the dynamic of their relationship, and while it didn’t seem to make a single shred of sense—to anyone—that was the way things worked.
Or didn’t work, as was usually the case.
As Lanie and Sam’s wedding loomed near, Marina wasn’t sure how to prepare herself. She’d be spending two full weeks at home and Ben would be there the entire time. She wanted to believe it wouldn’t be so bad, but her pessimistic tendencies—and past experience—convinced her otherwise.
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I Don’t Know Why I Love You Joey McIntyre |