For the last several years I still had a job, I suffered migraines constantly. It got to a point where I had a minimum of two a week and felt downright shitty in the aftermath in between. I powered through a lot of work days popping Excedrin like candy and downing Mt Dew or other caffeinated beverages like water. I also missed a lot of work because there were days I couldn’t lift my head off the pillow, much less get out of bed, shower, drive 25 miles in two hours, work eight hours in Fucking Hell, and spend another two hours driving the 25 miles home.
I never saw a doctor for the headaches.
Yes, I know I am fucking stupid.
When I started getting treated for my mental illness I gave up caffeine. I had low iron and high blood pressure and caffeine consumption is horrible for both. My doctor never told me I had to give it up. He never even asked about my caffeine intake. I made a decision on my own to give it up. Which meant no more Excedrin and no more Code Red Mt Dew. I know, I cried too. I went without for at least four months before I caved and took some Excedrin for a migraine because nothing else would make a dent. As soon as it started to kick in, I regretted my decision. I was shaky, jittery, nauseous, and I couldn’t see straight. I thought I was going to die. The same thing (only less severe) happened some time later when I had a can of Mt Dew to try to ease the agony of a headache. It was after that experience I knew I was done for good. I know there is natural caffeine in certain foods (ZOMG CHOCOLATE) but it’s not enough to cause a reaction.
After I got fired, my bi-weekly migraines all but disappeared. I’d still get one once in a blue moon, but it was no longer at least twice a week. Two of the medications I was taking daily were also used in the prevention of migraines so combining that with the fact that I no longer spent forty hours a week in a soul-sucking HELL, I was golden.
Since I’ve been off my medications, there has been an increase in headache occurrences, but the migraines are still fairly sparse. The biggest difference now though is even “mild” migraines knock me on my ass. Once upon a time I was so used to the miserable, excruciating pain of a migraine I was able to power through even when I could barely hold my head up. Now, if I don’t go lay down in a cold, dark room, I feel like I’m going to die unless I can cut my head off. The sad thing is, I don’t think the pain with my current migraines is nearly the extreme they used to be. They don’t last nearly as long either. I’ve just been spoiled not having them constantly, I’ve forgotten how to cope.
I felt the possible makings of a headache when I woke up this morning. It wasn’t anything worth popping pills over so I ignored it. Bob and I went shopping after he got home from work and just as we were leaving the house, I could feel the familiar, faint stab in the side of my head. I should have taken something right then, but like the moron I am, I didn’t. By the time we got home and put stuff away, the sharp, radiating pain was spreading like wildfire across my skull. I managed about half an hour sitting at my computer before I grabbed an icepack and crawled into bed. I dozed on and off for about two hours before I felt any reprieve and returned to the loft where Bob was finishing up his Star Wars raid. He went to bed shortly after and I tried to follow because I still felt like crap even though the pain was mostly gone. I lasted about an hour before I had to get up and move.
It’s an extremely frustrating situation to find yourself in when your body just wants to lay down and never, ever move again, while your brain spins in wild circles screaming, “GET UP! LAYING HERE IS FUCKING TORTURE!”
Moral of the story, my brain is an asshole and I miss Code Red.
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