I desperately want a new phone. I don’t need a new phone. I just want a new phone.
I’ve had my little blue phone for two years. I’ve had a cellphone for as long as I’ve had my car. (Ten years this October, thank you.) I’ve had four phones in that time. My first was a Nokia brick that had changeable face plates. I had a blue one with yellow duckies. It came with the game Snake and I played it all the time. I think it still worked when I got rid of it. I don’t remember how long I had that phone, but I upgraded to an LG something-or-other. It was a little, silver flip-phone that played poly-phonic ringtones and had a color display. I ran that one into the ground. Something happened with the SIM card and since AT&Tingular had gone through a name change in the time that I’d had the phone, they no longer supported the device and I upgraded to a black Razr, when Razr was exclusive to AT&Tingular and EVERYBODY wanted the stupid bubblegum pink version. I loved my Razr. It was smooth, it was flat, it was pretty. I had that phone for about five years. That phone got far more use than any of my other phones (except the countless hours playing Snake on my first one) because that is the phone I had when I met Bob. Every phone conversation we had was at least four hours long. I’d have to plug it in to charge somewhere in the middle and charge it everyday because we talked on the phone SO MUCH…for two months and then I moved in with him.
In those days I even used up my regular minutes and tapped into my extensive supply of roll-over minutes. These days my roll-over minutes are somewhere over 4,000 and climbing (except the ones that expire because they’re a year old) because I use all of twenty minutes on my phone in a given month.
Eventually that phone would barely hold a charge through one phone call. It got to a point where I had to pretty much keep it plugged in at all times. It had the LOUDEST low battery alert EVAR and it couldn’t be changed. Then I started getting an error message about the SIM card while the back plate covering the battery kept repeatedly popping off. So I got a new phone. A little blue Samsung slider with features that I never touched because I got rid of my data plan. It’s shiny, it’s small, it holds a charge for a good week, and it has a REJECT LIST for numbers I don’t want to answer. (All 800-numbers, no real people. I’m not that big of a bitch.) And it’s BLUE. A cross between Church and Caboose blue.
It also works perfectly fine. And while I’m no longer committed to a contract with AT&Tingular with this phone and am eligible for an upgrade, there is no reason to get rid of it. And part of me wants to hang onto it because it’s my little blue phone.
But I WANT a new phone.
Because every time the internet drops…SEVERAL TIMES A WEEK, sometimes SEVERAL TIMES A DAY…I need to bitch about it on Twitter, and then Qwest/Century Link/whateverthefucktheiranameis (let’s just call them BigTimeFail ISP) will respond (because they totally follow me on Twitter) with “plz go 2 r website and wee kin halp.” Nevermind the fact that I just said the internet was DOWN.
Yes I think I’ll go to your website by using the inter…oh wait.
I usually text my bitching to Twitter (at 20-cents a pop thank you very much) and because I don’t have a smart phone, I can’t READ Twitter from my phone, I can only tweet to it. So I don’t see the “wee kin halp” reply from BigTimeFail ISP until the internet comes back up.
I want a new phone (with an over-priced data plan) just so I can issue a rebuttal to BigTimeFail ISP saying, “I’d love to go to your website, but as I just reported, MY INTERNET IS DOWN.”
Also, I need to be able to check weather reports when it is storming like a mo-fo and I don’t have access to the internet because oh look, THE INTERNET IS DOWN AGAIN. Also, I can’t use the TV to check a local channel because we don’t have cable and the antenna we bought hasn’t worked since the day we hooked it up.
So yes, I want a new phone for completely selfish and stupid reasons. To check weather reports and for Twitter. And if it plays music and I can plug regular headphones into it, bonus. And maybe Solitaire. And if somebody can get me an Atari-style version of Snake? Bitch, that’s the phone I want.
But I sure as shit don’t want a new phone so I can talk on it. Because as I’m sure I’ve said countless times before, I fucking hate the phone.
And then I clicked post. Because Bob’s alarm is going off and I haven’t slept. Happy Monday.
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haha, same here, I hate talking on the phone :-) Jesse has an app on his Iphone that hooks him up to wireless internet and has a jailbreak app that lets him do things that are usually restricted by Iphone, (dont ask me, I am tech illiterate lol) hes a total techy nerd and uses his phone like a computer, except for gaming of course.