it's a convoluted mess
Three. Years. Three years since a phone call at 8:02 in the morning shattered life as I knew it. Three years since Joe died. In some ways it feels like it was just a couple of months ago. In other ways it feels like a lifetime. Society at large likes to try to dictate how you’re supposed to grieve. How you behave, when you make a public display, and when you should stop because you’re… Keep reading…Three Years.
Bob gave me a Carbuncle perpetual calendar for my birthday several years ago. Every day I update the calendar, absently noting the passage of time. Yesterday when I updated it, I didn’t think anything of the date. Today when I rolled the dice to reflect the correct date, I felt like I had the wind knocked out of me. February 18, 2025. Today should be Joe’s 57th birthday. It’s not a milestone year, but it’s… Keep reading…Losing part of the day…
Two years. Two full years since Joe died. It still sounds like some fucking bullshit. He shows up in my dreams every so often. I see him, and I know he’s not supposed to be there, but everyone else acts like it’s completely normal. I spend the entire time stressed out because even if he is supposed to be there at that moment, I know it won’t be long before he’s gone again. I wake… Keep reading…Two Years.
Sometimes I have things to get done that I am actively thinking about while I’m doing something else, fully intending to do those things next, but then something else interferes and suddenly it’s six days later and I still haven’t done those things I was thinking about. I was feeling very off. And I was chalking it up to the fact that it’s August and summer is never going to fucking end. But something was… Keep reading…Only passing through…
Earlier today we went out to check the mail and there was a lone turkey in the neighbor’s yard having a snack from the bird feeder spillage. When the door opened, she straightened up, darted away from the tree, looked around in a panic, and started booking it across the street. From there she flew up onto the eve over the garage of one of the houses and ran across, flying up to the roof… Keep reading…Higher now…
It has been one full year since Joe died. November 4, 2022. It feels both like an eternity since that day and only a matter of a few weeks. It has been three months since we buried him next to our [paternal] grandparents. People like to write essays about grief and all of the revelations and lessons they’ve learned and so much of it really reads like everything else on the internet: carefully curated and… Keep reading…One Year.