Three.
Years.
Three years since a phone call at 8:02 in the morning shattered life as I knew it.
Three years since Joe died.
In some ways it feels like it was just a couple of months ago. In other ways it feels like a lifetime.
Society at large likes to try to dictate how you’re supposed to grieve. How you behave, when you make a public display, and when you should stop because you’re making other people uncomfortable.
Social media would have you believe if you’re not posting videos of yourself crying on the internet, you’re not really in pain. But also if you do post them, you’re just seeking attention. But don’t stop doing it because schadenfreude is the internet’s favorite pastime and they need your grief p0rn to gawk at.
Don’t forget you’re supposed to be learning lessons from grief, too. Life is short, don’t waste it. You should be newly motivated to live life to the fullest. Spend beyond your means on extravagant vacations. Travel the world. Live the life the one you lost no longer can, on top of your own. But don’t do any of it too soon after they died, because then you’re not grieving long enough, but also what are you waiting for? You can’t sit around feeling sad forever.
Be grateful you are still alive. Things could always be worse.
Their death was sudden and unexpected?
Be glad you didn’t have to watch them waste away over a long period of time.
They suffered with a long illness?
Be glad you had time to prepare for the end and that you had time to say goodbye.
Regardless, someone else somewhere in the world has it so much worse, so don’t you dare complain.
What are you doing smiling? How can you be happy when someone you loved died? You insensitive asshole, you should be sad all the time. But don’t talk about it because you’re making other people uncomfortable.
No matter how you feel, how you behave, what you say, what you don’t do or say or feel, you’re doing it wrong. You’re doing too much. You’re not doing enough. You’re dwelling on things for too long. You’re moving on too soon.
It’s all bullshit.
Grief impacts every person in a different way because every person is different.
Feel how you feel.
Do what you need to do.
Say what you need to say.
Don’t let anyone else dictate what that is.
Don’t take advice from influencers.
Ever.
Grief sucks.
My brother died.
Three years later, it still sounds like some bullshit.
I’m still angry.
I’m still sad.
I’m still here.
Existence should be enough.
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