I’ve been trying to compose a recap of Saturday’s festivities, but it’s just not coming together the way I want it to. I’ll have to spend some time figuring that one out, I guess. I think it took me almost a full week to put together a summary of our wedding ceremony weekend, I suppose I shouldn’t be too concerned that words fail me on the reception as well at this point. If we get to this time next week and I haven’t managed to spit anything out, then I’ll allow the beating myself about the head to begin. Because that’s how I roll.
In the meantime, I’ve decided that 20mg of Ritalin is yet another failed ADHD prescription. I’m about halfway through my bottle of pills and I should be seeing at least some results at this point and I’m not seeing anything. I’m not actually all that surprised, but I’m still disappointed. I’ll admit, I had a little bit more hope for this one than the others. Minuscule—but more than the others nonetheless. I had no hope for the Prozac to do anything for me either, but that has been my most successful antidepressant to date. I thought maybe (just maybe) since the classic antidepressant was successful for me, that maybe (just maybe) the classic ADD med would click too. The first couple of days I got that buzzy, flaily, “Wheeeeeeee!!!!!! Amphetamines!!!!!!!!!”…and that was it. Now I’m not even sure I’m taking real pills. If they didn’t come with a police escort, I’d believe they really are placebos.
This makes failed prescription number six.
SIX.
Clearly my system is a fickle bitch when it comes to medications. The mildest of cold and sinus medications you can buy off the shelf at Target make me wonky as all hell in the head, but amphetamines? FEH. Amphetamines have absolutely no effect on me. At least not in the way they’re supposed to.
I’ll keep taking the little purple pills everyday like I’m supposed to. I’ll go back to my psychiatrist at the end of the month, and we’ll discuss the next step in this seemingly endless debacle I call my mental health. And then we’ll play yet another round of the “Let’s Try This One Next!” game.
Because that’s really all we can do. Because there’s not a snowball’s chance in hell that I’m giving up on trying to find something that works, no matter what it may be, even if it’s not drugs. Because I’ve worked too fucking hard, and come too fucking far to just lay down and let it all trample me now.
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Wheels Foo Fighters |